Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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