the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
So apparently I’m into choking now
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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