Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
