I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
