If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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