I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
