bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
