I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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