Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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