i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
