I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
