sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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