Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
