the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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