I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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