Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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