YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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