Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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