Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
