bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
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