just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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