i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
