The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
