You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
