Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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