the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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