I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
