theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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