Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
