Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
