A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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