I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
