And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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