I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
