you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Life is so much better after having sex.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
