I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
This baby is an asshole
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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