My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize
