Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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