I think scott just propositioned me for sex
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
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