I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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