This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I just found puke in my bra..
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
