i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
