Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
