I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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