3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
