he told me I talked like a deaf person
you didnt know i had herpes?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I party with great urgency now.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
