I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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