it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
