i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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