I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
