I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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