Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
