just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
