there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
