Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Green mimosas i think yes
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
