he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I intend to get homeless drunk
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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