I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
