best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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