I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
